The adventure of being lost

So sorry for the language, but its how I feel. If you are confused look back at my last blog, that might help.
I know there have been lots of questions. I will try help a little here. David is doing better for and update on him check out their blog http://thegorans.wordpress.com/. We have continued with church every Sunday and Pilgrims on Thursday and we have been meeting at the Gorans apartment. We have been working on finding a space to rent while the legal things are happening with our old space and we continue to look towards opening our new space.

So the topic of this post. I love a great adventure. I love being lost. I try to get lost as often as possible. When I first arrived here I took a map with me strolled thru the streets till I felt like I couldn't find my way back, found a few cool interesting places then looked at the map to find my way back. When I hike I usually try to stay on the trail and keep to the map, but usually it is still new territory and even though I am not completely lost I still don't really know where I am. And more than anything I love going on a road trip and knowing my final destination but not how I am getting there. I usually try and use my GPS but as many know sometimes they can get you more lost than driving blindfolded.

So now that you know how I feel about being lost let me tell you about my feelings in the after math of everything that has happened here. We have been doing group meetings as a church leadership to talk about how we are feeling, how we are handling things, and what we think. These meetings are open to every one who wants to come and just talk. I was asked last Friday how I was feeling. My only answer is lost. I have felt lost since the accident. Normal for me here has been with my roommate. He was one of the first people I met, he has brought food from home, paid the bills, helped me find things around the city and get things done, he has talked with me when I am angry, frustrated, tired, upset, happy. He has been a great friend. Without him I have been lost. Without him there has not been anything NORMAL for me here. And when I talk about lost right now its has not been that adventure that I have longed and described last paragraph. Confused, Sad, Angry, Empty, Guilty. That is the lost I have felt.

But I have some wonderful people in my life. I have a great community here and wonderful friends. I have a great girlfriend always ready to listen and a wonderful family full of advice and always praying at home. I have great supporters who I know are always thinking about me.
But it has been today, through my parents and my girlfriend, that I have realized I am LOST. The 3 greatest words. I mourn greatly the lose of my friend. But I know he is in heaven.
The picture that started this post is something Rachel posted to me. I think she posted it just knowing our common sense of adventure. But when I put that with something my parents reminded me of, a post of my own "Its all in perspective" posted back in February.

There are lots of things that happen to us in life and it is up to us if we are going to let those things have a positive impact on us or a negative one. All we have to do is change the perspective that we have. Even if we are in a bad situation we cannot change right away we still have the power to look at it in a new light!

I miss my friend. I am lost. Spiritually I am lost, Emotionally I am lost. Until today I have not understood it. Today I still don't understand it but I see it in a new light, a light that this is one of life's many adventures. No matter how much you enjoy being lost there is always that first sense of dread when you realize it. After that you are able to start trying to figure things out. It is a chance for me to learn something new about myself, about my community, about God. Though I do not know where I am or even my final destination I know that I am Lost and that God is going to be my map and  I will learn, I will grow.

Even the skies Cry

As most of you are now aware, last week our community endured a very tragic event. During remodeling of our old space a roof collapsed killing a VIM (volunteer in mission) David Nevotti and one of our students Illya Onoprienko. Also David Goran, my supervisor was injured. For the story please visit UMC press release.
It is a very sad time here and the healing process has just barely started. While the lose of anyone is tragic, and all my prayers go to our team that was here, and the family and friends of David, the death of Illya has really struck a blow to me, he was just more than one of our students. Illya was on our leadership team this year as our worship coordinator. He was at every event that he could be. But even more than that he was one of my best friends and roommates. He was someone who was truly alive and never wasted a second of his life, he loved and he cared.
For general conference this year we were asked to make a short video about the student center and our involvement here as mission interns. We decided to do that we wanted to focus on a student and chose Illya and through the video he really shows who he is. Please take a moment to watch it.
Illya, God of this city song
What more can I say? There is a saying here that if you can't talk good about the dead then do not talk at all. I can talk all day long about this brother of mine.

I know many of you are concerned for me. I am doing okay. I am grateful for everyday I am alive. I am thankful for peace and the knowledge that my brother did no suffer, I am thankful for a wonderful support system around the world.

The title of this blog comes from Thursday. It was on Thursday that the funeral was held. We were not sure if we would be accepted there, but we were. Our community was asked to share a song and then I was asked to carry the casket to his mothers house before it would be taken to the cemetery. I didn't get to though because I was too short. but it was okay. The weather here is always switching but for the last 2 weeks we had had hot sunny weather. On Thursday it rained. Not a steady rain but a rain that fell like tears. At times it would rain hard and for a longer amount of time, then it would stop and it would be a light drizzle. It felt like everything I was feeling was being expressed by the sky.

Sunday we had church still and we will continue with pilgrims as well.
Please keep David and his family in your prayers as he is recovering. Also please pray for our community as we begin to heal and grow.