The adventure of being lost

So sorry for the language, but its how I feel. If you are confused look back at my last blog, that might help.
I know there have been lots of questions. I will try help a little here. David is doing better for and update on him check out their blog http://thegorans.wordpress.com/. We have continued with church every Sunday and Pilgrims on Thursday and we have been meeting at the Gorans apartment. We have been working on finding a space to rent while the legal things are happening with our old space and we continue to look towards opening our new space.

So the topic of this post. I love a great adventure. I love being lost. I try to get lost as often as possible. When I first arrived here I took a map with me strolled thru the streets till I felt like I couldn't find my way back, found a few cool interesting places then looked at the map to find my way back. When I hike I usually try to stay on the trail and keep to the map, but usually it is still new territory and even though I am not completely lost I still don't really know where I am. And more than anything I love going on a road trip and knowing my final destination but not how I am getting there. I usually try and use my GPS but as many know sometimes they can get you more lost than driving blindfolded.

So now that you know how I feel about being lost let me tell you about my feelings in the after math of everything that has happened here. We have been doing group meetings as a church leadership to talk about how we are feeling, how we are handling things, and what we think. These meetings are open to every one who wants to come and just talk. I was asked last Friday how I was feeling. My only answer is lost. I have felt lost since the accident. Normal for me here has been with my roommate. He was one of the first people I met, he has brought food from home, paid the bills, helped me find things around the city and get things done, he has talked with me when I am angry, frustrated, tired, upset, happy. He has been a great friend. Without him I have been lost. Without him there has not been anything NORMAL for me here. And when I talk about lost right now its has not been that adventure that I have longed and described last paragraph. Confused, Sad, Angry, Empty, Guilty. That is the lost I have felt.

But I have some wonderful people in my life. I have a great community here and wonderful friends. I have a great girlfriend always ready to listen and a wonderful family full of advice and always praying at home. I have great supporters who I know are always thinking about me.
But it has been today, through my parents and my girlfriend, that I have realized I am LOST. The 3 greatest words. I mourn greatly the lose of my friend. But I know he is in heaven.
The picture that started this post is something Rachel posted to me. I think she posted it just knowing our common sense of adventure. But when I put that with something my parents reminded me of, a post of my own "Its all in perspective" posted back in February.

There are lots of things that happen to us in life and it is up to us if we are going to let those things have a positive impact on us or a negative one. All we have to do is change the perspective that we have. Even if we are in a bad situation we cannot change right away we still have the power to look at it in a new light!

I miss my friend. I am lost. Spiritually I am lost, Emotionally I am lost. Until today I have not understood it. Today I still don't understand it but I see it in a new light, a light that this is one of life's many adventures. No matter how much you enjoy being lost there is always that first sense of dread when you realize it. After that you are able to start trying to figure things out. It is a chance for me to learn something new about myself, about my community, about God. Though I do not know where I am or even my final destination I know that I am Lost and that God is going to be my map and  I will learn, I will grow.